I remember as a child it seemed you never noticed me
You never took me anywhere, just you and me.
There was no special time, no affection
Were you ashamed of me?
Was I a horrible child?
You did buy me a beautiful china doll once
You stood her in the window for when I got home
She was the first thing I saw, I called her Judy.
In the early years you were never around very much
You worked hard, after that, your home was the pub.
You never taught me love during those years, but I did learn fear.
There were good times too,
The family trips on the mystery train that ran at weekends
Trips into town or local village when you had saved money by not drinking
The games in the back garden at twilight during those times.
The chips you would bring home late at night, mums feet on the stairs
Then she would appear in the bedroom with two saucers filled with chips for my brother and I.
Mam once told me when I was a toddler you would give money to buy me a new bonnet.
And when one night you took ill, you called for me.
I still thought you never love me.
Your loving daughter Bernadette